My Beliefs.

Something just happened that I cannot explain.

Words fail me at this point.

I just reached a state of enlightenment.

Nirvana.

I felt as if a huge weight has been lifted.

All about what I believe:

I believe in many things.

Mostly spiritual energies: 

Chi, karma, luck.

I also believe in the afterlife, but not the conventional kind.

We don't turn into angels with wings and pristine white robes and sit on clouds and get everything we want.

PERFECT RIGHT?

no.

I believe that people get what they earned in life.

It continues into the afterlife, just amplified.

It's a hard concept to grasp, and I can't exactly explain.

But whatever.

I also believe in fate, and soulmates.

Things like that.

If something happens, it was meant to happen.

There's a reason for it, it's just not directly expressed.

When the world fades to a darker shade, because since we are purely mortal,

Answers become clear.

No question goes unanswered, no stone unturned.

The way I see it,

People do things for an ultimate reason,

To fulfil their purpose.

Whatever they have to do on earth to achieve their purpose is simply fate.

Bad things happen, yes.

They were fated to happen.

Without bad, the world would be perfect.

Although,

Perfection is a tricky thing.

People say "If the world was perfect..."

What kind of perfect?

Perfectly peaceful?

Perfectly fat?

Perfectly evil?

Perfectly sexual?

The world we live in is a culmination of everything that physically be.

So in a way,

This world is already perfect.

Whenever bad things happen, we ultimately have to accept it that it happened for a reason.

You have to step back and say "I respect your decision."

Yes, decision.

People may have fates, but I do not believe they're written in stone.

They can be bent, morphed, twisted.

You just ultimately have to say

"This happened for a reason that is not made clear. Things like this have to happen for the world to function. Etc, etc."

I've learned I need to be more patient, and I will be.

This is what I believe in,

This is my religion.

Just so you know.

This is a conversation between me and Allie.

Just read it.

Allie's messages are in bold, mine are normal.

__________________________________________________________________

								There have been so many times where I thought I was truly happy.
								There have been two moments that I can remember when I was truly happy.
								Both involving Emma.
								thats so...touching? i was going to say 'adorable', but you guys are more than that
								Wanna hear them?
								...sure
								First one was when she first told me she loved me.
								Second was when I was at her house,
								We were on the couch.
								And I was holding her.
								We kissed,
								Then after we pulled away,
								I just looked at her.
								And at that very moment was when I realized how lucky I was to have found someone as amazing as her, and how much I loved her.
								That one second was so moving,
								I actually almost cried.
								i hope you realize theres absolutly nothing i can say to that
								In a bad way?
								in the best way possible
								So yeah.
								Those are the most memorable, happiest moments of my life.
								She fucking meant everything to me. ______________________________________________________ This is the last depressing thing I have left, I swear. After this I'm leaving it alone. I'm going to force myself to move on, to move past this point in my life. I love you. P.S. Shout out to Andrew P. for helping me out throughout this.

FYI

You say to let myself fall to see if I can pick myself back up.

I say I may fall harder than you think I will.

Quote.

(quote=Sarah Ban Breathnach)The authentic self is the soul made visible.(/quote)

^This.

I felt like I could be me around you. I WAS me around you. Sure, I did some things that were mixes of different parts of me that I usually have power over, but they were still ME. I can control it, and I've learned that I need to. I have the control. Give me a chance again. Please. This has been the most excruciating 5 days of my life. Having to go through another 26 is just cruel and unusual punishment. I want you. I NEED you. Please, one more chance. Just to be friends, even. I miss you. I'm falling apart without you.

...please.

Robert Munsch.

My favourite line from a book just became more personal for me.

"A mother rocked her newborn baby back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And as she held him, she sang: "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

From Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.

Robbie's in the top ten for "Best Person Ever Born".

He's second to Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers' whole life was dedicated to us getting along.

He should get the Nobel Peace Prize.

No joke.

In closing.

To you, reader.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my babe you'll be.

<3

Right.

Making up a poem right now.

_________________

Right

What is wrong?

What is right?

Answers hidden

In plain sight.

What is night?

What is day?

What is noon 

anyway?

What is black?

What is blue,

When there's nothing

Left to do?

What is up?

What is down?

Pain abundant,

All around.

Even though life

Has pain to bring,

Don't hurt others.

Do the right thing.

_____________

Done in "I don't give a crap" format. Written in 3 minutes at 11:50.

I tried to fit a message into a crappy little poem. I just want the right thing to be done.

NOW FOR THE EXPLAINATION!

This whole situation is being executed in the worst way possible.

If we don't talk for a whole month, we'll obviously miss the little things we love about eachother.

Then when they're back, we'll want to shower ourselves in these things, because we missed them.

I think the proper way to do this would have been to keep talking, and not be involved.

So there's no obligation, no hassle.

We wouldn't have had to do anything, but we'd still be able to talk.

Oh, well, I guess it's too late now.

Fuck I miss you.

27 days 'till Earth Day.

27 days until I can stop falling apart.

lol poem again.

I just wrote another. I have dedicated it. You know who you are.

_______________________

Lessons

I've learned my lesson;

Is that not enough?

Probably not, I should say,

Being dragged through the rough.

All the things that I've done,

Some for better, some for worse,

If they did not mean anything,

Would I be writing this verse?

There is not much to say,

Bound and gagged with my sorrow.

All I can hope for, I guess,

Is a brighter tomorrow.

Empty inside,

Voids too big to fill.

No hacks, no cheat codes,

Fixed purely by will.

I can't take them back,

All the things that I've done.

But I will say I'm sorry

To you who is the one.

_______________________

Written in approx. 5 minutes while watching hockey. Written using the notepad application on my iPhone.

I like adding the part after, explaining the poem and stuff. I'll keep it.

I'll make another one in the style of the Oyster Boy book tomorrow.

Now for the bloggish part.

I don't know if this is purely a coincidence, but after... let's just call it "the situation", I've felt sick.

Not emotionally sick, physically sick. I actually had to stay home today. I could barely talk or stand up. 

My theory is: I'm so sad about it that my body's immune system is too emotionally drained to work. 

One girl can't possibly mean this much...

...can she?

P.S.

I just lost the game.

Truth.

This is really fucking hard.

(If you laugh, you're a terrible person.)

I bet you just laughed.

But anyway.

I'm not very good at dealing with this.

I've been talking with people a lot, and it seems to help.

More than I ever thought it could.

I guess you just need a few bad events to bring out the people who are truly your friends.

Me and Andrew realized that we're best friends, which is awesome.

All through my life I've only had 2 TRUE best friends.

And now I have another.

That's the highlight of my week, but the down outweighs the good.

Nothing could make me feel better now.

The only thing that could remotely feel better won't happen until April 22nd, or later.

I'll just have to wait until then...

Poetry helps. I'll be writing depressing poems more and more.. it helps get rid of emotions.

I understand what's going on. I know this is hard. It's hard for me.

But I just can't get my head around the fact that we can't talk.

I'd like some indirect comments about my poem, by the way.

P.S. I still love her. With all my heart.

poem2

I wrote another poem today, this one rhymes.

_____________________________

Flame Boy

I guess it was neat

He could combust when he wanted.

But this power had a limit;

An extent to be flaunted.

One day he went out

To an arts and crafts store.

He burst into flame

Then rolled on the floor.

The paper caught fire

And the felt markers too.

Those, in turn, set ablaze

The worker's craft glue.

When the glue caught the spark,

The craft store exploded.

The mother's love for Flame Boy

Undeniably eroded.

___________________________

Done in the style of those poems/short stories in Tim Burton's The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & Other Short Stories.

I love that book.

The poems are deliciously depressing.

P.S. I miss you already, but I doubt you care.